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Bonding and Premarital Sex Sex is a very personal and very subjective topic. It can be very confusing as there are no clear cut rules to follow. Many people engage in premarital sex in the hope that it will bring them intimacy only to discover that they feel empty and unfulfilled. Often dubbed the “morning-after-syndrome” this is when a person wakes up after engaging in sexual relations with another person only to discover that the intimacy they thought had developed was not really there at all. Instead there are two people in a bed who shared pleasure with one another but were intimate sexually but in no other way. Bonding and intimacy are about far more than just sexual relations. True intimacy involves the emotional need and desire to share with a life partner and to be a part of the total experience of sharing each other’s lives. While there is sexual intimacy involved, true intimacy involves every aspect of an individual’s being. Many people consider it old fashioned to wait to have sex and studies show that in today’s society sex becomes an issue in a relationship much sooner than it did 20 or 30 years ago. This does not necessarily signal progress however. The intimacy needed to fuel serious, committed and loving relationships between people who wish to spend a lifetime together takes time, effort and patience to cultivate. Mutual respect and trust must develop between two people in order for bonding to take place. It is important to not use sex as the determining factor for whether or not the relationship will survive. Remember to work on all areas of the relationship and not just the physical aspect. Bonding is intimacy and that involves letting another person into our lives completely and allowing love, tenderness, warmth, compassion, acceptance and a feeling of closeness to enter into our hearts and lives. Knowing whether or not premarital sex should be included in the mix is not always a simple question to answer. Look back into your past and ask yourself if premarital sex has helped or hinder your past relationships and then make the decision that is right for you.
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