There Goes The Bride: Dealing With A Teen That Wants To Get Married

Most parents want their children to get married someday.  After all, aren't grandchildren supposed to be our prize for surviving teenagers?  However, we want our children to get married when they are no longer children and have gone to college and have stable careers.  So when the issue arises of someone still in their teens wanting to marry, we are obviously taken aback.

Rather than react with anger or outrage, try to keep your cool.  If your teen is approaching you about marriage, ask for a little time to consider his proposal (no pun intended).  Then take some time to calm down and collect your thoughts before meeting with him and discussing some of the following questions.

• Why do you want to get married or just engaged?
• Are you or your intended pregnant?
• Are you already involved sexually?
• Have you been using birth control?
• If you marry, where will you live?
• Do you have enough savings to put a deposit on a place to live, utilities, etc.?
• Do the two of you make enough money to live on?
• How does getting married fit into your future plans?
• What does your intended's parents think? (Be careful here, as they could try to play the two sets of parents against each other).
• Are you willing to go to pre-marital counseling?

By discussing these issues with your teen, you are showing him that your respect him as a person, even if you do not respect this particular plan. By being the first to listen, you are paving the way for him to listen to you.  Hopefully, you can help the young couple see that, while marriage is a good thing, it is for adults only and is better if you wait for it.

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