The Biological Dad
When an ex-wife remarries
A biological dad may feel that his children are being taken from him when his ex-wife decides to remarry. This is especially true when he has a close relationships with his children. Deep inside, there may be feelings of hurt, desperation, guilt, and uncertainty over his children being raised by a the stepfather.
Some men have a difficult time dealing getting along with the stepfather. Tense relationships between the biological father and the stepfather can cause flare ups of anger and jealousy, making the situation very intolerable.
When an ex-wife remarries, the relationship between the biological dad and his ex-wife and her new husband is very important. If there is friction between the biological dad and the stepdad, the biological dad may find it harder to have a relationship with his children and may not get any extra time to spend with them. If you have a good relationship with the stepdad, you may also develop a better relationship with your ex-wife. For instance, if you got laid off from you job and can't pay child support for a few months, the stepdad might sympathize with you and use his influence to make your ex-wife not feel ok about the situation.
Meeting the stepdad for the first time
It is common to feel awkward or nervous when you are around the stepdad. However, as you get to know him, you will feel more comfortable. If you are lucky, the stepdad will try to stay out of the issues concerning the biological dad, his wife, and the stepchildren. In some cases, the stepdad will try to make the biological dad feel comfortable and at ease around him.
How to cope
One of the most difficult obstacles for the biological dad to overcome is the uncertainty of how the children are being treated. It is common to wonder if the children are r being physically or mentally mistreated, or sexually abused. It is important to have an open relationship with your children. Let them know that they can trust you and that you will protect them and always be there for them. If your children trust you, they will be more open to telling you if they are being mistreated.
Biological fathers may also have a fear that the stepdad will take his place and he will be left out of his children's upbringing and development. This is also common. A good way to combat this is to be present as often as possible. Try to see them more than just a few weeks out of the year. Be active and present in their lives as much as you can.
If the children are young, the biological dad may feel left out of his children's informative, developmental years, and he may feel that the step dad will be the one that the children will eventually turn to for love and support as they grow older.
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