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The Importance of Giving Your Partner Space

"We're all in this alone."--Lily Tomlin

We are born alone and we die alone.  We need to spend some time alone between these two planes of existence or we become superficial people incapable of facing our real selves.  We weren't meant to be joined at the hip no matter how much we think we love someone.  We all need freedom and the right to be an individual first and last.  You remain one-half of a joined together couple only for so long without resenting it and being frustrated with your role. 

Everyone needs to sort things out by themselves once in a while.  We need the space to dream, create, and explore life on our own.  We aren't meant to constantly be judging and filtering the universe through one other person's eyes and mind.  We need to rely on our own intellect, judgment, sense of beauty and taste to better love ourselves and our world. 

If your husband, wife, lover, partner or steady date insists that you spend nearly every waking moment with them, they do you a great mis-service.  They are being shallow.  They are taking away your freedom to be an individual.  They are refusing to give you room to breathe and grow.  They are practically forcing you to get a divorce or break it off with them unless they can be made to see how selfish and possessive they are being.  It's just not natural or healthy to spend all of your time with just one person. We are meant to have friends,  acquaintances, family members and co-workers , family members and co-workers we like to spend time with too. 

If there's a chance to save your relationship, your partner has to understand how wrong they are to insist on trying to own you and your space and time.  That's a mistaken notion of love to think that love means being together 24/7.  The first thing you can help them understand is that "It's not about you."  You are not rejecting them.   You are just choosing some alone time for yourself.  This brings out the importance of honesty in your relationship. If you can't have an open and honest discussion about your feelings, their feelings, and the issues here, perhaps there really is no hope for the relationship.

Let your partner know that you don't believe that real love means trying to possess--to own--the one you love.  Real love means wanting them to be the individual that they are and to be free to grow and change as that individual. When we love someone for real we are elated by their individuality and freedom.   We do not spend our time fearing that we will lose this person if we let them off of our chain, but are happy for them.   We respect their privacy and don't ask for full reports of what it is they do or say when they are not with us. 

We remind them that true love, real love, is unconditional.  We help them try to understand that growth cannot exist without space.  Possession and jealousy are destructive.  You cannot possess your lover if you want to have true love.  And if you can work through this bump in the road you will gain a far healthier, stronger and more loving partnership.

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