The Biological Dad's New Role
When there are children involved and an ex-wife remarries, the children's biological dad is going to have a deep sense of anxiety and foreboding thoughts about how his children are being raised, and how they are going to be treated by the new step dad.
A transition is going to have to be made, not just for the biological dad, but for the children's mother, the step dad, and for the children themselves. Unless the children are very young and are unable to comprehend what is transpiring, they are going to be affected in ways that may have consequences for years to come, especially if the children are rebellious.
Although it may be hard to do at times, it is in the best interests of all involved to make things as easy on the children as possible. In a case of divorce and remarriage, teenage children are usually the one's who take transitions the hardest, especially if they have to change schools and move away from their neighborhood friends.
The biological dad will always have a role to play with his children, but he has to understand that, unless he is allowed to move in with his ex-wife and her new husband, and that is very doubtful, his role with his children is going to diminish.
How much his role diminishes depends on several things. It depends on the relationship between him and his ex-wife, and his relationship with the step dad. If the biological dad remarries, his new wife will also have a say in how much of a role he is going to have with his children, especially if he has more children with her.
He is going to have to come to grips with the fact that the step dad is in his children's lives for the unforeseeable future, and the step dad is going to take on some of the functions of raising his children.
The thought of his children living in another man's house may come as a psychological blow to the biological dad's ego causing a lot of sleepless nights. He may be strong enough to handle the pressure, and then again, he may have to seek counseling.
The biological dad has to make every effort to be there for his children, no matter what the situation is or how much time he is allowed to spend with them.
He should try not to overcompensate by trying to prove to his children that he is their real dad, and he should never bad mouth their mother and the step dad in the children's presence.
As the children grow older, they will know who their real dad is, that he always had their best interests at heart, and that it was the divorce situation between him and their mom was the catalyst that kept him from being there as much as he would have liked to have been.
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