Blaming The Stepparent

One of the most important factors in the stepparent/stepchild relationship is the age of the child when the mother or father remarries. A child may be stressed out, depressed, or angry, and may lash out at the stepparent, blaming the stepparent for the problems between their biological mother and father.

It is not uncommon for a stepchild to blame the stepparent for what is perceived to be the reason for the biological parents not getting back together. Usually, time and patience will heal the wounds.

• If the child is young, before the age of 10 or 12, it is usually easier to forge a bond with the stepparent because the child is young and impressionable. The biological parent, with the input of the stepparent, can work together to get through any feelings of anxiety or frustration that the child might have.
• On the other hand, if the child is a teenager, things can get a little hairy. There may be jealousy and resentment towards anyone who is seen as a threat to the relationship between the biological father and mother and it may take a while for the teenager to let go the anger and resentment. A teenager may rebel to the point of running away from home, drinking and doing drugs, skipping school, and hanging out with the wrong crowd.

The biological mother or father, if they are still involved in the child's life, may be another factor that may pose problems having long lasting affects. Sometimes they may be caused intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Either way, they are issues that need to be addressed immediately.

• The biological mother or father may pop in and out of the child's life, pulling and tugging at their emotions, making the child go through periods of uncertainty.
• The biological mother, or father, may still be in love with the ex-spouse and may use the child to bring discord to the lives of the ex-spouse and the stepparent. if this is the case, it might be best to d end any emotional ties with his or her ex-spouse and let them know that they have moved on with their life.

From the beginning, the stepparent (either husband or wife) should understand, and take into consideration the fact that there will always be a link between his or her spouse and the spouse's ex-spouse.

If the relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild gets off to a good start, it will always be a cordial, harmonious, and loving relationship.  Even if it doesn't start that way, and the stepchild needs someone to blame, in most cases time will play the middleman in bringing stepchildren and stepparents together in peace and harmony. 

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