Communicating with your partner during infertility

It is very common for couples to stop or decrease communication with each other as they go through fertility testing and treatments. Each partner wants to protect the other and often becomes afraid of expressing their own sadness, anger, or whatever emotions they experience. They may blame themselves, regardless of the real reason behind the failure to conceive. Women may see becoming pregnant as their responsibility while men may feel that they have failed to provide and protect their loved one. As a result, they drift apart at precisely the time they should be turning to each other for support.

Here are some tips to help couples communicate during this time:

• Acknowledge that this is a difficult time for both of you. Just admitting that this is a difficult time is often a huge relief for both partners, and can re-open the floodgates to communication.
• Don’t assume you know how your partner is feeling, and don’t assume they are feeling the same as you.
• Ask your partner what they need.
• Tell your partner what you need.
• Remember to say “I love you”.
• Be tender with your partner and ask them to be tender with you.
• When cycles are constantly being monitored, sex can quickly become clinical. Take time to focus on romance.
• Get a massage. A simple, quick massage can help release muscle tension and help you relax.
• Make time for each other out of the bedroom and the doctor’s office. It’s ok for you to want a weekend away or a day off when you don’t have to think about anything serious.

Open and honest communication can lead to deeper emotional intimacy and, as a result, you can emerge from all the poking and prodding a much stronger couple.

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