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From Ex-Spouse to Friend
Reinventing Relationships After Divorce
by Kim Hess

After the tiring and strenuous process of divorce is completed, most people cannot imagine being friends with the person they used to call their husband or wife.  Divorce can be an ugly battle, leaving one or both parties angry, bitter, and unhappy with their former spouse.  It may seem that this will be your future but rest assured, it does not have to remain this way.  With work and effort you can be friendly with your ex.  This will make you, your ex, and those around you happier and less stressful.

Let Go

Release any anger and bitter feelings you have towards your ex.  Accept the way things happened and the way things are.  It is counterproductive to keep blaming an ex.  Also, it is important that you take responsibility for your part in the divorce.


Give it some time before you try to make amends and become friends.  Time and space are needed for anger and resentment to calm down, or go away before communications between the two of you can begin.

Past is Past

It might be difficult to not think of you and your spouse as a married couple.  However, once you can do this, it will be easier to approach your spouse on friendly terms.  Remember that what is in the past should stay there.  Work towards a better, friendlier future.

Concentrate on the Good

What attracted you to your former spouse in the first place?  Was it their humor, ambition, or friendliness?  Think about their good qualities and focus on what you two have in common.

No Love Life Talk

It is not necessary for you to ask questions or speak of your ex’s love interest or dating life.  It is fine to know and accept that there may be someone romantically in your ex’s life, but it is best not to dwell on it.  Also, there is no need for your ex to know details about your love life.

Reinventing a new, friendlier relationship from one that has died is not for everyone, but it is possible.  Understanding hopes, disappointments, and desires for the future is a great beginning to a new, and better, relationship for former spouses.

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