MamasHealth.com Home Divorce Breaking the news Children and divorce Choosing the best Lawyer Dealing with legal fees Divorce: step by step Divorce support group Ex-spouse after divorce Ex-spouse and favors Finding love after divorce First date After divorce Forgiving your Ex Frequently asked questions From Ex-spouse to friend Full Service Lawyer Helping your child cope Holidays and birthdays Holidays and divorce Living alone Managing conflict Mediation myths Mediation: pros and cons Non-Custodial Parent Parenting Plans and Mediation Protecting your child Recover from divorce Speak with respect Stop being angry Telling your child The power of dogs Unmarried/Gay and Lesbian Issues Visitations after divorce Work with your attorney Links Email Mama Arguing and your children Domestic violence Step-family relationships Dating Dating after divorce Divorce and your credit Infidelity Leave an abuser	Managing Conflict In Divorce by Kim Hess The ending of a marriage will bring along with it confusion, sadness, and many adjustments.  More often than not, divorce will also bring about conflict.  Fortunately, there are options to help former partners manage conflict during the strenuous process of divorce.  Mediation  Mediation is a short term process which focuses on building an agreement between former spouses regarding financial issues and any issues dealing with children from the marriage.  A mediator helps the two parties work through problems until an agreement is reached which is then filed as a court order. Collaborative Divorce Collaborative divorce is another approach to helping manage conflict.  This type of divorce is a written contract that the divorcing parties and their attorneys agree to work for a mutually agreeable settlement without going to court. Co-parent Counseling For divorces involving children, co parent counseling is a good option in reducing conflict when the parents struggle with agreeing on decisions regarding their children.  A professional in this field can help parents improve their communication skills and work on strategies to prevent and reduce conflicts. Diffuse Conflict Another effective way of helping to manage conflict is to find out your former partner's position on things. Let's say that you would both like to spend time with the kids on Saturdays. It will help to ask questions to help diffuse conflict.  Questions like: Can you help me to understand why this is important to you? What are you concerned about? What could I do to make my position acceptable to you? What's the real problem? What are your reasons for not doing it the way I suggested? Listen to their responses and then repeat what your former spouse has said to make sure you understand.  Remember you are not trying to be nice, you are being strategic. They are giving you information and clues as to how this conflict can be managed and resolved. Also, remember to take responsibility for your role in the conflict.  You cannot control your former partner.  But you can control and manage what you bring into the situation to add to the conflict. Not reacting to anger is the most common sense and effective way to manage conflict while going through a divorce and even after the divorce is final. Conflict before, during, and after a divorce is almost unavoidable.  It is helpful and almost necessary to deal with the conflict in a way that can help you learn to get along with your former partner so that a settlement can be worked out and you can co-parent your children. Divorce is never a happy time.  Remember to try to remedy the pain and stress by not further fueling it with anger, and conflict.	Sign up for our Email Newsletter For Email Marketing you can trust
	Hot Topics: Domestic Violence: A pre-existing condition? Serena: The wanna be vegetarian Personal Story: How I recovered from my Eating Disorder Mama wants to help: Food Bank programs and shelter assistance Lucy Goes Green: Talk dirty to me How to avoid Swine Flu What no one will tell you about tummy tuck surgery Mama's favorite item of the week: Trees for the Future Foods for weight loss Win a Gift Bag filled with Goodies from Stonyfield
	Information obtained from MamasHealth.com™ should not be used as a substitute for professional medical care or attention by a qualified practitioner, nor should it be inferred as such. Always check with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about a specific condition. Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Use. Contact us: PO Box 2170, Pasadena, CA 91102-2170 ©2000 - 2009 MamasHealth, Inc.™. All rights reserved