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How to deal with the Children of the Older Man

The May-December relationship is still a controversial issue with some people but not with others. Some women spend most of their lives dating older men and often end up marrying one. Of course not all age differences are huge. Traditionally it is common for women to date men a few years their senior because they are more mature then men their own age.

What happens when a younger woman meets an older man with children? This depends on a number of factors- how many children are there and what are their ages? Under what circumstances did the man come to be single (be it divorce, the death of a spouse or never married at all) and what is the children’s relationship with their mother like? (assuming of course that there is a mother in the picture).

Adult Children

Adult children are likely to be suspicious of the younger woman their father starts to date and they may find it difficult to deal with the fact that their father is dating a woman close to their own age. The father must take the situation in stride and keep the lines of communication open with his grown children.

Younger Children

When it comes to younger children the situation is even trickier. It is not smart for a man to introduce his children to his woman friend, whether she is considerably younger than him or not, right away. Instead he should wait until the relationship is getting serious or at least until he feels that the relationship has some potential. Children like routine and predictability and meeting a barrage of new women is bound to be confusing and frustrating, especially if the children take a liking to a particular woman and then only see her once or twice and then she is gone. Children, especially young ones will likely develop a bond with the new woman a man bring into their lives and if the relationship ends, the children will feel the loss.

When you feel that the time is right to introduce your younger woman friend to your children prepare them in advance. Tell your children that you have met a person whom you like very much and that you want them to meet her. Never introduce the younger woman in your life as a girlfriend but introduce her instead as a good friend.

The meeting may be awkward at first and you should always be prepared for the fact that children will not necessarily be friendly and open towards the new woman in your life just because she means something to you. Older children may be taken aback by her appearance and it may be extremely obvious to them that she is younger than their father while younger children may view her as a threat until they get to know her better. Give your children time to adjust and never try to force anything. Always allow your children the opportunity to talk about their feelings as well as their fears and concerns. Your children need to be respectful and polite to your new friend but it is even more essential that you are honest with them and let them voice all of their concerns to you.

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