Dating After Divorce- What to Do if Your Children Do Not Want You to Date

After your divorce is final, keep in mind that you are not the only one who is going through a grieving and rebuilding process. Your children are likely to run through a range of emotions from anger, to pain to extreme feelings of loss and abandonment by the parent who has left. The age of a child at the time of the divorce plays a key role in how the child will react to the situation. To allay a child's fears it is important to sit down and talk with the child and to be honest about what has happened to the family. Encourage your child to talk about his or her feelings and never tell him that how he feels is wrong.

Remember to show your children as much love and attention as possible and reassure them every step of the way. Many mothers and fathers mistakenly believe that their children will understand that they need to have a life outside of their children, which is to say a life of their own but often children, both young children and teenagers alike, do not understand this.

First of all never introduce a date to your children until you are sure that it has serious potential. You do not want a barrage of men going through your children's lives as this is likely to confuse them and to make them feel even more insecure. Sometimes teenagers will become like adults and feel very protective towards their parent so meeting every date is probably not a good idea, as your child will end up worrying needlessly.

Do not let a man spend time at your home until you are sure you are on the way to a committed relationship and do not involve this new person in your children's lives until you are sure yourself. Remember that your children have lost enough already so do not invite the opportunity for any more loss into their lives.

If your children do not want you to date they will often show this by becoming clingy; by whining a lot or by developing temper tantrums. It is important to sit down and talk with your children about how it is time for you to start dating again but to make the transition as easy as possible keep these ideas in mind:

• Make your children aware that your dating is very much like the time they spend with their close friends,
• When you decide to introduce your child to a new person, prepare them beforehand.
• Some children might assume you are dating because you do not enjoy spending time with them. Assure them that you always enjoy being with them but you also need to spend time with other adults whom you share things in common with.
• Start slow. Spend a minimal of time with your new beau and work up to more time in order to assure your children that they are not losing you.

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