Typical Bulimic?

I am 38 and a bulimic. It sounds weird to even say it, to be honest. I should know better. I am not an insecure person and I don't think I am what the "typical" description of what a bulimic is.

I have a great career in the military, which helps keep me in shape. I have a lot of friends and I am considered successful in my career, outgoing, very independent, and considered by most to have a strong personality ( I say what's on my mind and do not worry about what others think about it.)

I was never considered "fat" and I have what most would consider a slim build ( 5'4" and 118 lbs.) So why do I have the urge to throw up after I eat? I know I have a fear of getting bigger but I am not sure how that developed.

I don't over eat and then purge. My habit is eating a light breakfast (not purging after it), no lunch, and then dinner. Dinner is the meal I will eat, followed by a glass of ice cold water, just because I like the feeling of the coldness in my throat, when I throw it up. It is the only meal I will get rid of, or feel I have to get rid off.

I have never ever binged and then thrown up. I will control what I do eat at dinner for the fear that if I did over-eat, maybe all of it will not come up and I would feel guilty for eating.

I started this about a year ago, not sure why, or how, as I have never thought of it before. Nothing happened a year ago to make me do this. I just decided I would. Is that the norm?

It seems like most people who have an eating disorder are trying to control something in their lives. I just consider it " maintenance" to stop from gaining any more weight. Maybe I am just kidding myself thinking that I am not "as bad" as most.

Is there anyone else who has developed this habit at a later stage in their life?

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