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In Big Trouble

I am 24 and I think I'm in big trouble. I've been forcing myself to puke on a regular basis since middle school.

I think it started around puberty, when all my friends cared so much about how they looked.  Now, it's not so much for weight loss as it is for a feeling of control.

I have acid heartburn every day.  My dentist noticed the wear on my teeth. I told him I have reflux.

I've thrown up at every place with a bathroom in town. I run the water at my mom's.  My fiance doesn't have any idea. My cheeks are always puffed and swollen. I grind my teeth at night.  I can throw up on command.

I think I've got a lot of issues. I've had a bad run of things.  No one would ever know, by looking at me, that I've got years of bulimia and substance abuse under my belt.

Anyways, I don't know where to start.  I don't want to tell anyone. I don't want to go to the doctor.  I am scared.

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