Anorexia, fighting the urge, binging and purging, the struggle



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Slightly Anorexic, not any more..I am Bulimic

Well, I came across this site out of curiosity. I wanted to hear the stories of others who are fighting this battle. I have only admitted this recently to one friend (who is no longer a friend), a therapist (who wasn't too helpful) and my doctor (who I know longer go to) I am bulimic. I am 30 years old and I have been fighting this for 7 years!

I think I was slightly anorexic beforehand, as far as limiting certain foods and excessive exercise. I have anxiety and grew up with an ill father. I'm not sure if this was the cause of some of my problems, but I'm sure it had something to do with it.

I am still battling this disorder. As a matter of fact, I just binged and purged this morning.

The shame of this disease is unexplainable. I want to stop. I want to pull myself together. I want to look at myself, food, and life like a normal person. I can't tell the closet people to me about this because of the shame. I have a wonderful family, close sister, and supportive boyfriend, but I just can't tell them about my demon.

I am writing because I want to admit this and write about my own struggle. I am about to move in with my boyfriend and I want to start over with this disease. I want to NEVER purge in his bathroom. I want to be able to live an ordinary life with him.

I worry about the effects of this disease and what it potentially has done to my heart. I know what it has done to my teeth already, but it is worse to have a life-long side effect because I was so dumb to do this to my body.

That is all, I wish I had supportive words of wisdom, but I am still going through the struggle.

God Bless.

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