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Asking for Help Stories

Bulimia Story
Bulimic and In Trouble
Bulimic or Anorexic
Cry for Help
Eighth Grade Social
Growing Up Thick
Healthy Woman
Help Me
Haunts Me
I Chose Bulimia
I Don't Know What To Do
I Feel Trapped
I Have A Life To Live
I Have To Change
I Just Needed Help
I Just Want To Stop
I Need Help
I Want To Get Better
I Want Someone To Care
I Want To Become A Model
I Wish
It's A Cycle
It's Killing Me
Judge Me
Lost All Control
My Ongoing Battle
My Secret
My Sexual Abuse Story
My Vicious Cycle
No Energy or Body Mass
Normal People
Not Alone
Please Help
Please Someone Help!
Purging Battle
Questions I Ask Myself
Uncontinued Story

We all Deserve Help!
Will It Ever Stop


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Questions I ask myself

I have been a bulimic since I was 15. That's 12 years of secretly purging any meal or meals that I felt guilty about.

There's a hot fire that encompass my esophagus and intestines on a frequent basis. My knuckles are raw and bleed all the time. I tell my friends that I do it, just so they're not surprised when I excuse myself right after we have dinner together.

But thinking about it, what do I get? I get that feeling of guilt and pain of insecurity disappear...for a little while. I get the satisfaction of knowing that I can wretch until I taste the bitter bile, meaning there's nothing substantial left. And then? And then I say to myself, "do you feel better?(yes, much) but are you happier? (no)" I'm never happier because I know that it's sick to feed my face only because I know I can throw it up later.

I'm sick, I found a way out of loving to eat without becoming obese. If my family knew, if my doctor-brother knew, (not that they'd ever understand) I would be hospitalized and ostracized and misunderstood. This doesn't happen in my family. This doesn't happen to "normal" people who can control themselves in front of a plate of food. But I can't, because I know that 20 minutes later it's gone anyway. I just pray my heart doesn't give way before I'm able to get over this, because I know I can. I swear. I can.

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