Eating disorders and Depression Everyone's story starts like that, a kid who doesn't want to be fat. I am so glad that there are others out there that have the same feelings I do. My story is almost the same, with hiding food, lying, not willing to eat. And when I ask myself why, voices in my mind pop up and say I am getting too fat. I am Asian, in a Asian society a mental issue is a disease, that is why I keep trying to hide it, and after it, I try to pretend it never happened, but did, and the damages it did to me is still very close. Diet. That was the word that started everything. Every summer when I would go on vacation I would gain about 10 pounds, and for the rest of the year listen to my mom complain how fat I was getting. Then I tried to change that. A year before my eating-disorder set in, my mom read me a story about a girl in China that died because of anorexia, and I would have never thought that one day that girl could be me. I loved to eat, everything from meat to cookies, every thing, I have never refused a treat. But soon everything began to change, in a rapid process of dieting, I started counting calories. Watching everything I ate. I felt bad for eating it. I danced, I jumped, I subtracted calories every day, in order to lose weight. I started to cheat. I would pretend to eat. Everyday I would exercise, but my food source became less and less. My mom was happy for the first time in 3 years. I actually looked good. I looked thin, and not fat. My mom's happiness encouraged me. Every day I would hang around school, having less and less energy. Then I hid away from my friends. I did not have enough energy to join in their laughter. I did not have enough strength to go along with their humor. Every time I sat down it would hurt. My bones were showing everywhere, but I didn't notice. I barely ever looked at myself in the mirror. It was just the haunting words that I am fat. I guess even if I realized it, it would have done no good, because once you are in that cycle it is very hard to get out. Then of course, someone notices. I saw a doctor and was advised to be placed in a hospital. My parents and I were scared. I didn't go in, and the week I was out I stopped going to school, but I still didn't eat. Everyday I got thinner and thinner Everyday the face in the mirror looked more and more like a ghost. I didn't like how I looked. I wanted to look normal, to look like I used too, but I cannot get myself to eat. My mom wouldn't go to work any more, she would stay home and look after me. She would buy all sorts of things that I used to like to eat. Every time she brings the food up to me with hopeful eyes, I would give her a saddening response. She never gave up on me. My dad would research all day to tend to my illness, and because of worrying he lost a lot of weight also. I see my saddening parents, and I can't feel anything, all I can think of is how not to eat and then one day my body collapsed. I was finally sent to the hospital after I fainted. I was put through three days or medical clearance and then transferred to the psychiatric ward. I strongly resented that, and so did my parents but it was out of their control. The hospital put me on hold. My parents would visit me everyday. We had a two hour visiting period. Not one single time did they missed the visiting hours. I was in the hospital for three weeks. I was diagnosed again and again. Confused and depressed. I felt myself going through depression. Everything seemed wrong for me. I wanted my life to end. I felt like there was no point in living. My life was ruined any way. I finally persuaded the doctors to let me out after gaining 10 pounds. I was put in the partial program, but my weight was still closely monitored. I started to lie and refuse food again immediately after I returned home. I brought my depression home. Everyday I cried and yelled. I hated everything and everyone. I wanted to kill myself. I didn't know what I wanted. My life is confused mixed up, filled with sadness and depression. I let my anger go to other people. I started to abuse those closest to me. I would say things to hurt them for the sake of it. I feel confused and mad all the time. I shielded myself by blaming everything on everyone else. I was sent back to school, and then one day something clicked. I saw everybody so happy, living happy, and I looked back at my life. I felt extreme pity for myself, why can't I be as happy as they are, the way I had been before? Why did I give all that up? Was it for this ghostly look? The school year quickly passed and nothing improved. Things keep
getting worse and worse. Then I went back to China for vocation. I saw my relatives, my friends, I started eating normally. Once I have regained control of my life. I look into the mirror again, and is unsatisfied how skinny I am. I am even confused at myself, why would I try so hard to keep such an scary look? So, I tried really hard to eat everything that I once restricted myself from eating, pushing myself though mental barriers. When I returned to America, I felt like a new person. I am starting school
again, and full of energy. Everyday I treat with care and happiness, and
I am determined to get my life back.
|
|
||||||
 |
Health Topic: Tummy Tuck Surgery: What No One Tells You Medicare Part D: Everything you need to know How to choose the best weight loss program How to deal with a stubborn husband or boyfriend How to support a family on one income |
||||||
|
Information obtained from MamasHealth.com™ should not be used as a substitute for professional medical care or attention by a qualified practitioner, nor should it be inferred as such. Always check with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about a specific condition.
Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the Terms
of Use. If you want a review of your product featured on MamasHealth.com, let us know. ©2000 - 2008 MamasHealth.com™. All rights reserved |
||||||
|
By submitting your story to MamasHealth.com you hereby grant us permission to publish it and edit it for length and content, as necessary, without monetary compensation. In return you will receive a short bio and link to your website or other contact information. |
||||||
