MamasHealth.com Home Family Support Stories Eating Disorder Hope Eating Disorder Journey ED and Depression Health Quotations Losing Friends Mom, Please Help! My Dad! Purge Road to Bulimia Recovery Slow Dance Stop Making Yourself Sick! The Monkey Within The Weight of the World Worried Mom Links Email Mama Addiction stories Anorexia stories Athletic stories Bulimia stories Family and friends stories Help Me! I'm not healthy stories Medical disease stories Medications and eating disorders Migraine stories Mother stories Recovered Anorexic Recovered Bulimic Recovered Eating Disorder Self esteem stories The Letter "C" Weight stories Mama's Inspirational quotes Mama's Motivational pledges Mama's Health quotes Mama's Poem	My battle with purging In 2005, I began purging. To purge means to eat a lot and make yourself vomit.  I told my mom on Friday, June 3, 2005.  It was hard to stop. It was hard to stop because I had been purging for at least three months.  I would eat a lot, drink a glass of warm water, and go purge.  By drinking warm water purging was easier.  I purged because I was teased in school.  Although I couldn't control being teased at school I could control purging. By being teased at school, I felt like I was all alone. I felt very much like I didn't have any friends.  The only place I could run and hide was the bathroom, to purge.  I was told that I was fat, ugly, and a slut.  I thought this was true, because I was teased, and told this everyday.  I felt like I would never be pretty, or even thin.  I knew I had people at home who loved me, but that wasn't enough. I needed to fit in at school. Even though, I had support at home, I wasn't really close with either of my parents. So, I didn't really feel like I had any support, or comfort. I am not really close with either of my parents because they are divorced. My mom is with another guy that I don't really like.  I was never really close with my dad. When I became bulimic it got even worse.  My dad lives with his mom, because she has had two stokes, and is now partially handicapped.  The two people I was really close with, were my Grandma Cass, and my Grandma Yinger, they both died.  Since, they both died, I don't really have anyone to talk to.  I have my older brother, Paul, and his wife, Staci, but they have two children and both have their own lives. By purging I ruined my esophagus and the enamel on my teeth. The enamel was eaten away by my stomach acid.   The lining in my esophagus is very sensitive.  Since, I purged if I vomit, I can destroy my esophagus completely.  I am afraid to vomit, because I don't want to ruin my esophagus completely.  When I am sick I get questioned if I am really sick.  I'm only allowed to loose two pounds a week. I am only allowed to loose two pounds a week because then my doctor and my mom know I'm not purging.  When I first started purging I was loosing weight rapidly.  On an average I was loosing about ten pounds a week.  Then when I stopped I gained all the weight back.  It's very hard to keep a steady weight.  I also have to watch what I eat.  I can't eat a lot of grease.  I have to eat a lot of fruit and vegetables. Yogurt helps me, when I get the sensation to purge. Once I told my mom about purging, I didn't get any privacy.  I couldn't be left alone. I also couldn't close the bathroom door. It took several weeks, before my mom wouldn't let me have any privacy. I also wasn't aloud to go away where there would not be any strong parental guidance. I finally have all my privacy, because I showed my mom I could stay clean. I have been clean for one-year, seven months.  I will always be considered bulimic, but I don't purge. I am afraid to tell anyone that I am bulimic. I am afraid to tell anyone because I don't want to tell the wrong person and have rumors spreaded.  It's hard not to purge, but I know I can stay clean.  I also know, that by not purging I can help my body get better. I now have very strong feeling about girls who have low self-esteem, family life issues, and eating disorders.  I personally think I could still loose weight when I look at myself in the mirror. This will affect me later, because I will never be able to keep a steady weight. It also affects me because I will always feel like I am hiding something. I feel that my body should be flatter with more curves. I got help by going to counseling at the Philhaven outpatient office.  I went to counseling for about eight sessions. I then came clean and told my mom that the counseling wasn't helping.  My recovering process was just going to counseling and writing down my feelings.  I got help as soon as I told my mom, my mom almost called Children in Crisis. Experiences and essay by: A. N. Milburn   Share your story More inspiring stories	Featured Book Advertise on MamasHealth.com MamasHealth $500 Scholarship Your product featured on MamasHealth.com
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