Body Issues I started having body issues when I was in 8th grade. I remember taking a picture with my soccer team when we were rafting and in our swimming suits. I put a towel over my stomach because I thought it was fat. In high school I started to skip lunch in attempt to become thinner. I used to skip lunch then go to soccer or basketball practice and go directly to work after. When I got home at 9 or 10 at night I would eat whole boxes of cereal, not knowing at this time that I was binging. I have always been a huge athlete and to this day play two sports in college. Exercise has always been a huge part of my life and when I got to college my freshman year I choose to play soccer. This is when the binging started, I would go to the store below the cafeteria and buy muffins and eat all of them and feel so guilty. I played on the soccer team and the season ended in November so I now had the entire year off. I remember the first time I threw up in the dorm bathroom and was successful. I had once tried in 8th grade, but couldn't force my self to do it. That year I gained 10 pounds and vowed to lose it in the summer. I dieted and exercised to the point where it was unhealthily and my body couldn't subsist on what I was feeding it for how much I was exercising. I lost the weight and more. I was never anorexic to the quotas, but I was not feeding my body the right amount of food and this lead to binging. Towards the end of summer I would binge and throw up and this lead into my sophomore year of college. The binging and throwing up got worse as it was happening 2-3 times a week at the worst times. I know that may not seem like a lot for others, but the emotional and mental toll that the disease took on my life was huge. I remember sitting in my bed crying so many nights just wishing I could either be skinny or just go to sleep and never wake up. The waking up was the hardest part because I had to prepare myself for battle against the disease every single day of my life. Finally this past summer I went to get help and saw a therapist and a psychiatrist. I started medicine and learned many things in therapy and have only thrown up 3 times in the past 9 months. I know my disease it not completely gone and I have a long way to go , but I found a way out. It's hard to sum up how your eating disorder affects your life because it doesn't just affect it, it takes it over, consuming every part of you and your world, sucking you further and further into the hole that is surrounded with weight food exercise and more. The good part is there is
a way out. Finding the way out is different for everyone and it will
probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do. But you will be
so much stronger after, and you will realize that there is life out there
without the eating disorder.
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