No one knows

I’m 14, soon to be 15, and attending high school. I play all sports including rugby, soccer, hockey, basketball, baseball, lacrosse, you name it.

have loads of friends and I am generally a nice person, lots of people think I'm funny and cheerful. But that is just one side of me they know.

What people don’t know about me, is that I am very obsessive about my body. I think I’m fat. I purposely vomit. When I wake up in the mornings I don’t eat breakfast. I don’t eat anything at school. I normally have sport practices after school, which means I usually get home around 5 p.m.

I allow myself to eat dinner, but I just vomit it back up after dinner. Then at night I do 60/70 sit ups to try to tone my stomach. On odd occasions, I will wrap my stomach and thighs in cling film, throw on a hoodie, and lie in my bed under the covers after I have filled the hoodie with hot air from the blow dryer. The weird thing is that I haven’t noticed any change in my body yet, the only thing that is different, is the fact that I feel better after I vomit.

What’s weirder is that you would think I’m thin right? Well, I’m not. I’m probably about an average size person, this is exactly the reason why I’m doing what I’m doing.

After doing some research on bulimia it has made me sort of nervous. I don’t want to have a heart attack or brain problems, but I don’t want to be fat, and I know I am.

I don’t think I'm like other girls who are obsessive about their weight. I know my limits. I know where I want to be and when I get there, I will know how to stop. I am a very determined and mentally strong person, so that part doesn’t bother me.

The only thing I can say so far is that bulimia is not the way to go. It doesn’t even work, and even if it did, it really hurts your throat and the back of your tongue after a while(and it clogged my sink lmao).

Every once in a while I look at girls who are bigger than me, and there is a lot of them. This is when I realize, I should be grateful for what I have, and not what I don’t have. So the next time you think you need to lose weight, look at someone bigger than you and think how they might feel. You’re not fat, your mind is.

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