My battle with Bulimia

Where do I begin. My disorder started awhile ago. I guess I was in the 7th grade, so probably, 12 going on 13 years old at the time. It actually started with anorexia. Why it happened, I don't know.

I had been having a rough couple of years, with the loss of my grandmother, sexual assault from one of my best friends, and the normal fighting, and drinking from my mom and her many boyfriends.

I really don't remember why it started. It may have just been something else to try and kill myself. I had been battling with self-infliction as well, which didn't make anything better.

I slowly dropped down to 68 pounds by the time I had reached 9th grade. I wasn't big to begin with, maybe pushing 100 pounds, but it happened anyway, and then I couldn't stop.

Once I reached the lowest point, everyone started to notice. My school was threatening to call child services, so my mom dragged me up to Hershey Medical Center. I was "treated" there for almost 2 years and it didn't solve anything.

Counselors and doctors say they care, but if they did, I wouldn't have walked out cured and still doing everything that I was doing when I started. During my time at the medical center, I started eating, so that they would think I was ok. I gained some weight. After I left I went back to my old ways.

Unfortunately, I became bulimic. Being bulimic is much easier to hide. It's upsetting because I keep telling myself to stop, but I can't.

I'm afraid to eat, but I'm not nearly as energetic as I used to be. After I get done working, I don't want to play outside. I just sit inside, play with my pets, and get on the computer. Sometimes I avoid doing things with my friends because I don't feel up to it.

This disorder isn't fun. I've heard people say they love doing what they do, because it allows them to never gain weight. But, it's not long before that not gaining weight turns into losing it, and once that happens it's so hard to stop. Plus, it causes so much tension between family members, friends, etc.

Your moods go all over the place, you're tired all the time, depressed. It's a vicious little disorder, and so many people these days are experiencing it. I hope that my story can help people out there realize that Bulimia/anorexia is not all its cracked up to be and it isn't worth it.

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