My story about Food I am not proud to write this even now. I have had and do still have what I consider an eating disorder. I remember the first time I began to lose weight as a young teenager in high school. My clothes stopped fitting me. I borrowed clothes from my more thinner popular friends. Boys that wouldn't talk to me suddenly noticed me in the hall. Teachers told me how great I looked. (I went from 125 pounds to a 103 pounds in a matter of a few weeks) I felt for the first time I had obtained what every teenaged girl wants. This weight loss was only temporary. A friends mother found my laxatives one night when I was staying over. She sat me down and went through all the reasons why it was harmful and bad for me to mistreat my body. I stopped taking the laxatives and started eating normally again. The weight came back and the thinner popular me faded back into my size 7 jeans. After high school I found my self obsessing about the same things I had done before. I had moved away from the state in which I had grown up in and moved in with my new boyfriend. I began eating like mad. I put a good 15 to 20 pounds on my 5'4 frame. I didn't think much about it until we moved out of the country, and to a place where it seemed like all the women were blonde, tall, and very slender. I began dieting like mad. I went back to the states to think about things which worsened my obsession. I lost a huge amount of weight, almost 100 pounds. If I could write the whole story I would. To make things short, I still have the same mind consuming thoughts. I wake up and I think about food. I eat and I think about food. I cry about food. I hate food. I love food, but most of all I wish for once, I could stop thinking about food and start loving me for me and not worrying about trying to look like every young girl on the cover of a magazine. I wish I could, but that step is hard and I am not certain I am ready. Samone |
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