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Bulimia Struggle
I have a problem. My problem is, I have too much time to
think.To think about my make-up, my hair, my scars, and the amount of fat
sitting on my body.
My sister moved to the other side of the world. We parted on bad terms, and my
parents focused all their attention on cleaning up the mess she left
behind for a good year. That's when I began to think.
I was bullied as a child, was always taller and just bigger than every
other kid in my class, so of course, I was a perfect target for twisted
little brats. It was even turned back on me, and I was made to apologize for
bullying them (because everyone knows a small cute child can't bully a big
ugly child).
My first proper diet began at 13. It was called the vegetarian diet. When I look back on it, it was just another way to restrict food.
I
loved science, as a lot of it had to do with food. I know too much
about it all, and I began to know too much about anorexia. I knew all the
effects of starving, yet I somehow didn't believe I was doing it, even when
my hair started falling out a 14, and my skin was always covered in goose
pimples from the cold.
To cut a long story short, I've been on a diet since the age of 8, became anorexic at 13, bulimic at 15, and was made to take a pledge by the local
priest to stop drinking at 16, after a 'normal alcohol binge' and ending up
in hospital on Christmas eve after my body went into shock. oh and I can't
forget the self harming along the way and concealing.
Lets just say, I wasn't the one who got the wake up call, instead I decided
to give my parents one by sitting them down and simply saying, "LOOK AT
ME, I'M A BLOODY MESS," and they did listen and I'm the better of it.
There's loads more I could say, but I just want to point out a few more
things. Any girl thinking emaciation is beautiful, I would just love for
you to see a dead anorexic like I did, she was once a beautiful girl. An
anorexic can go so far as to eat up there own nervous system which can cause depression and a truck load of other things. Sunken eyes and frizzy
hair, yellow teeth, stretched skin, skull head, flat bum, bloated tummy
are all you will get for trying to look like Nicole Richie, trust me I
know!
I'm enjoying life now, and I'm finally starting to get good grades again. My skin is glowing and my hair is gleaming. I can run again. I've also
picked up a guitar again, and I'm in love with a great guy (whom is
pretty good looking). I'm not trying to gloat, I'm trying to show you the life
you can have outside of an eating disorder. Just try it, and if you don't
like it, at least you can say you tried. Good Luck!
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