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Judge Me

I don't know how to start, so I guess I will start by getting right to the point. I have an eating disorder. More clearly, I am bulimic. I have never said those words to anyone, but it feels good to get it out, and no one will judge me or say anything back.

My problem with food, unfortunately, started when I was 13 years old. I watched a movie about two teenage girls who were bulimic and I realized how easy it was to lose weight. All you have to do is stick your fingers down your throat and there you are, 1,2,3 pounds lighter.

I never realized the complications that come with this eating disorder. I was never overweight, I just wasn't thin. I was normal.

I now see that I was normal and I had no need to do what I did to start this horrible disease that, to this day, defines my life.

I tried it, it worked, and I was losing weight. Compliments came at me from everywhere. But it was actually more criticism because everyone thought I was disappearing and that I was too skinny.

I loved it. Well, as bulimia goes, you never really stay skinny. I gained all my weight back, lost it, gained it again, lost it again. It goes on and on and on, still today.

I am a senior in high school, 5 feet 2 inches tall, weigh 120 pounds, which everyone considers normal, but for me, it isn't. I am going to get back down to 110-108, which I am comfortable with.

I have been making several visits to the doctors office lately, and only I know why. I hate the fact that I'm worrying my mom because she doesn't know what it is. "I love you mom, and I'm so sorry that I can't talk to you about this, or anyone else."

I want to stop. I want to get rid of this awful hold bulimia has on me, but I don't know how. I don't know how to break free and be the happy-go-lucky girl I always was. I pray to GOD that He will give me the strength to overcome this so I can be me again.

This is my true confession of being bulimic.

Good Luck to everyone out there who is struggling with bulimia. It is a disease and it needs to be controlled/cured. I want to stop but I don't know how to help myself.

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