My Body Image

I was about 20 pounds overweight from my Freshman to Senior year in high school.  All of my pretty, skinny friends were going to all of the high school dances.  I never got asked to one dance. 

In my senior year, my brother's friend said he'd go to the prom with me and led me to believe this for the next 3 months.  When I asked him to go shopping with me to buy a dress, he busted out laughing and said the whole thing had been a joke and he would never go to a dance with someone as fat as me, even if you paid him. I was devastated. 

I thought "Well, no wonder why no one has ever asked me out, I'm too fat."  So, I started throwing up and ended up losing 45 pounds in one month. As soon as I started slimming down, the boys started asking me out on dates and asking for my phone number, I was on cloud nine!

That was 23 years ago and I am still battling this addiction. I call it "My demon friend."

Back in my late teens I thought nothing bad would ever happen to me. I'm now 41 and my body is starting to deteriorate. I have an irregular heartbeat, anxiety and panic disorder, my back teeth are falling out or having to be pulled out, I've fractured my spine twice, I have an eroded esophagus with esophageal spasms, and the list just goes on and on.

I did share my problem with a few people that I thought were my close friends and they ended up thinking I was some sort of freak and our friendships soured.  So, the only person that knows my secret is my husband of 13 years.  He has begged me to seek help.  I want help, but it is so terribly expensive.

I believe this "demon" will always be with me, even if I do recover.  Food and body image is a constant mind battle every day.  I pray that some day I will be "Normal."

Share your story

"If Only I Had Teeth Down There." Is the Rapex Condom a Solution to Rape?

WIN a year's supply of Contact Lens Cases