My Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder and my weight, Confiding in someone about my eating disorder

Crying All The Time

I am 21 years old and I have suffered from this disease since age 17. It's honestly hard to say where and when it all began?

I went on a mission trip to Honduras, and had the time of my life, however, I became sick from the water over there, and was unable to keep anything down. Upon my return everyone made comments of how good I looked, and I looked like I had lost some weight? I had never thought of myself as being big or overweight.

I was happy, I had everything going for me. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night for 2 hours, and I cryed because of how repulsive I looked. I weighed myself that night and weighed in at 210. I didn't look like I weighed 210 pounds.

I began to throw up everything I ate, or even drank, I counted calories, and even had my "book". My mission trip ended the end of June. By the beginning/middle of August, I had lost 60lbs.

When I would eat I would throw up, sometimes I just wouldn't eat. I looked amazing, I had never gotten so many compliments in my entire lifetime! Although it soon caught up with me. I began crying all of the time because I was exhausted. I would go weeks without eating, and would literally lose a pound a day! I was a cheerleader and would go to practice without food or water..to this day I don't know how I did it?

I finally confided in someone. I was sent to the hospital because my electrolyte balance was low, my potassium was low, and my heartbeat was irregular. They gave me a week and a half to not lose anymore weight, when I went back to the doctor, I had lost another 10 pounds. They sent me to Palmetto Health Baptist in Columbia SC, where I began residential treatment for two weeks! I hated it and they monitored everything!

This all took place during my senior year of High School, and was hell for me. I am now a college senior and still struggle, I binge and purge around 10 times a day, I don't know how to stop, it's the one thing in my life I have complete control over and that makes me happy. I now weigh in at 130, and am very normal, but I still feel obese.

I just wish this would one day end. I have tried to get help, but nothing seems to work.

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