Bulimia, Bulimic and out of control, Binging and Purging, Bulimic and being healthy

About Being Healthy

When I was a freshmen in high school, a family member very close to me got cancer. The transition into high school for a female is hard enough, but with the idea of having a family member on the verge of dying from cancer was just too much.

At first, it wasn't about losing weight or about my appearance at all, it was just about being healthy, so I wouldn't get cancer.

I started going to the gym everyday for 2 hours at a time, and eating what I thought to be a very healthy diet. As time wore on, I began to lose weight, and truth be told, it was quite nice to receive the compliments. But then somewhere along the line, it got out of control.

On a daily basis, I would only consume less than a thousand calories and my weight plummeted. At this point, I was a sophomore and everyone around me began to notice. My friends, whom I needed most, deserted me and my parents were always questioning my eating habits.

I constantly argued that I was fine, I was "healthy". But as my family member recovered from cancer I was forced to confront my problem.

I got better for about a year, and then one day I realized how much weight I had gained and I absolutely freaked out. I began binging and purging at this point. It was terrifying how quickly I fell right back into the downward spiral I had just managed to get out of.

I had sworn that I would never ever make myself throw up, it just wasn't possible. Unfortunately, I was wrong. For awhile, I hid my problem from my parents but eventually they caught on.

I was out of control, even though I swore to myself that I could stop anytime I wanted. I would eat massive amounts of food in single sittings and then purge it all. Every meal I ate, I threw it up. For awhile, it was like therapy, but then I just started to become anxious and disgusted with myself.

I never really thought about how I was damaging my body. I have stopped binging and purging, and I am beginning to accept and love myself the way I am, though it is easier said than done.

To this day I am terrified of going to the doctor, in fear that they will find something associated with bulimia thats wrong with me.

So, for any of you out there who are currently suffering from bulimia or are contemplating using it as a method of losing weight, please don't do it. It will consume you, it will control your life and leave you feeling disgusting.

There is hope, believe in who your are, love who you are. You are beautiful.

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