Being Skinny Is Far From Glamorous. My Battle with being overweight

Being Skinny Is Far From Glamorous

I have always been overweight. Sometimes, way more than others. In grade 10, I went on a trip to Hawaii with my school. I knew about the trip two years in advance so I wanted to drop weight and look good for Hawaii. I knew I would never fit into a bikini, but dropping weight was great for me.

I played soccer my whole life. It was great. Four days a week I would work out hardcore and Sundays were the hardcore games.

I restricted myself to eating healthy foods or no foods at all. I had my parents totally convinced I was healthy. Everything was going great. I lost about 70 lbs. for Hawaii. I of course gained it all back and wanted to kill myself when I went prom dress shopping.

I met my now ex-boyfriend in grade 12. It seemed to go away when I was with him. I felt like he loved me for me. I felt like everything was great. I didn’t have to hurt myself anymore. The second time it started was when he cheated on me. It ruined my life. I felt like I was never good enough and I had to be perfect. We are now broken up and things are getting worse than ever. I hate food. I don’t need it to live, I have realized.

I did weight watchers for a year and cheap recovery. It helped me understand you can still lose weight and eat at the same time. But on weigh-in days I was not happy. I was upset that I was not losing weight fast enough. I wanted to drop a lot of weight and show him that he doesn’t deserve me.

I want my skinny body back. Skinny to me wasn’t stick thin. It was about being 170 lbs. I am a tall girl. I was satisfied when I looked in the mirror. Now, nothing will ever be good enough. I am sick of throwing up. It makes me feel worse than ever. It used to make me feel good and in control but I can’t stand throwing up.

I have now started to take laxatives occasionally. I am trying hard not to abuse them. I am paranoid of health issues, so I am starting to eat healthy. I am sticking to only veggies. I ate turkey sausage and it made me feel bad. I now know that my body doesn’t want it.

I am slowly learning, but it’s something that will never ever go away. I am happy that I have curves in all the right places. I have big boobs and curvy hips which is great because I don’t feel like a big block of lard. I have vowed that I WILL stop once I get back to 170lbs.

My ex is an idiot and I do blame him for ruining my life a second time around. I struggled in high school and no one even had a clue. Stay strong ladies. Being skinny is FAR from glamorous.

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