Beginning Therapy

The first time I binged and made myself sick, was when I was in college. I was on a horse management diploma course. Part of the course required us to live in college digs for a week for yard duties.

I was in a room with another girl. She stayed with her friend for a couple of nights, so I was on my own. Things weren't going right with the people I thought were my friends. I felt self conscious. I felt that I was being cast aside. This knawed at my brain telling me i I wasn't good enough. Why would anyone want to be friends with the fat girl (I was 5 ft 3 and a size 10).

I began stuffing food into my mouth at an alarming rate. I couldn't stop, when I did stop, I was in pain. I couldn't believe what I had done, I was only making myself fatter. I ran to the bathroom, put the bath taps on full blast, and threw up in the toilet. Afterwards I felt relieved, but ashamed, stressed, and disgusted at the same time.

Eighteen months later and binging daily. Not only do I make myself sick, I have discovered laxatives and water pills. I exercise excessively sometimes running 15 miles to burn calories. All this I know is damaging my body, but I can't stop.

I have been admitted into the hospital on several occasions. I was put on IV drips and given supplements because my electrolyte levels were out of sync.

I am in the beginning of therapy, a prospect I find terrifying, but I know it will ultimately save my life. If I continue to carry on like this I know what can happen to me. I know this hurts my family and I wish I could make this stop in a heartbeat.

One day, I want to be able to say "I beat bulimia." Bulimia and all eating disorders are detrimental to your health. They control you and make you see things that aren't there. I hope to be able to see a clearer picture, and I know in time I will.

Kate - Hampshire England

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