A Choice To Be Healthy My name is Michelle, I am a 27 year old recovered anorexic/bulimic. After 9 tumultuous years of my eating disorder, I am done. I have been fully recovered for 2 years now. I will never return to the destruction and misery of an eating disorder. When I contemplate sharing my story, the only word that comes to mind is "hesitant." I no longer want to hear about eating disorders let alone share my own journey of ruin and loneliness. It started at age 16 with no intent whatsoever, except to lose a few pounds. A few pounds was the beginning of 9 years of obsession. I began exercising and drinking Slim-Fast to lose weight. I felt good, I lost weight, and the compliments and attention were so needed. I began to thrive on weight loss, and lost interest in just looking good. I developed an obsession with thinness. I wanted to be the thinnest I could be and that was all that mattered to me. I believed others were jealous, envious of my emaciated physique. I went from 135 to 100 in 5 months. I was 5 ft 4 in. tall. A normal girl at one time, I became abnormal, disinterested in social interaction. Nothing, no one mattered except my meals and my exercise. I was constantly distracted by food. From age sixteen to nineteen, my weight was always fluctuating, from one abusive cycle to another. It began with exercise and dieting and turned to laxative abuse and any method of purging possible to rid my body of food. I put on a facade of perfection, when on the inside, I was broken and in need of sincere love, and far from perfect. The perfect me was in front of others, while behind closed doors I often sat in the corner, scared of the future and let down by those I let close to me who could not be trusted. I was guarded behind my eating disorder. No one could take that away from me. In and out of every treatment possible for nine years, nothing worked and my family was broken financially and emotionally. They could no longer pay $1800 a day for treatment that was useless and resulted in major setbacks and backslides. Through therapy and residential facilities, I truly felt that nothing would bring me out of my eating disorder. I want to say that through all of the treatment I saw the light, but that was not the case. My attitude and choice is the only reason that I overcame my eating disorder. I simply decided that I did not want to live trapped by my addiction any longer. When I sat down and looked at my future I dreamed of love, a future with children, a normal, healthy and thriving future. I did not ever want sickness, I wanted perfection. I didn't want to be hurt and my eating disorder protected me from pain that others caused for some reason. When I binged and purged, I vomited all of the emotions inside that I could not deal with on a day to day basis. I now see that all it took was the choice to be healthy. I had to search deep inside myself to find the proper coping mechanisms for emotions that were so overwhelming. I now see that when I need to release, there are many options I have instead of abusing myself. I not only ruined my life, but those who loved me and desperately wanted to see me flourish and succeed in life. I am now recovered, and in those moments when I thought recovery was not possible, I reflect and remember what I was going through. I have not ventured out far to share my story, because the pain is still very deep and not forgotten by those who are around me every day. Though, there is forgiveness and healing, there are still wounds that take time to heal. Even though my physical health has been restored, the eating disorder has impacted my emotional health. I am now learning to cope properly with life and anxiety is rampant in my mind. I am slowly restoring my trust in others and trust in myself. It is a journey, but it is no longer a battle. I love my life with my fiance and beautiful daughter. I am free from that chain that bound me for nine years. I MADE THE CHOICE. If you are dealing with an eating disorder remember that you were given this life. It is a gift and you have a choice to make. Life or death, pretty easy choice. |
|
||||||
 |
Hot Topics: Domestic Violence: A pre-existing condition? Serena: The wanna be vegetarian Personal Story: How I recovered from my Eating Disorder Mama wants to help: Food Bank programs and shelter assistance Lucy Goes Green: Talk dirty to me What no one will tell you about tummy tuck surgery Mama's favorite item of the week: Trees for the Future
Win a Gift Bag filled with Goodies from Stonyfield
|
||||||
|
Information obtained from MamasHealth.com™ should not be used as a substitute for professional medical care or attention by a qualified practitioner, nor should it be inferred as such. Always check with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about a specific condition.
Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the Terms
of Use. ©2000 - 2009 MamasHealth, Inc.™. All rights reserved |
||||||
|
By submitting your story to MamasHealth.com you hereby grant us permission to publish it and edit it for length and content, as necessary, without monetary compensation. In return you will receive a short bio and link to your website or other contact information. |
||||||
