Bulimic, Bulimic and wanting to stop, Words that hunt me, Depressed

Words That Hunt Me

"Don't eat that! That is tones of fat and you don't need that ice cream right now! I told you no candy, it will get you even fatter!" That's pretty much what my mother used to tell me ever since I was around the age of 8.

I can still remember the exact things my mom used to say, but back then I was to small to understand. Now, those words haunt me whenever I look in the mirror.

I'm 13 now, and I grew up in a village where no one really cared about their weight, but as I turned 10, I moved into the city and started understanding what my mother had been telling me all those years.

I started regretting all those sweets I ate at night, once my mother went to bed. So, I thought I had to take an end to this (although I was only chubby). I am 1.60 cm(5.4ft) tall and I weigh 49 kilos(100-110 pounds). I cant even remember the last time I weighed that less.

Last summer I weighed 60 kilos. I have been dealing with a lot of eating problems and the main one is BULIMIA. About a year ago, I couldn't take it anymore, and I just stopped eating or putting myself on strict diets, but that never really worked out.

One day I was in a Pharmacy and I saw a box saying "loose 9 kilos in one month"! those where some amazing pills which then slowly led me to addiction. I started off taking one a day, just before dinner, but it then slowly turned into five a day, making them my main daily dish.

My mom started getting suspicious about my weight, because nothing in my closet could fit me anymore. So, then I started eating again, but I would go to the bathroom and throw up everything. No one ever knew about my Bulimic problem until last Sunday, as I collapsed on the running track of my school.

I wanted to stop, but I soon started noticing it was too late, because whatever I ate, it always came back up. So, I just let it take over my life. I had no hope that it would end some day.

Day by day, I ended up becoming even weaker. I was unable to concentrate, and my blood pressure shot way up. I was so depressed, that I started cutting myself. I was killing myself more and more on the inside. My parents where to blind to notice, and my once so called "friends" didn't care, because I was messed up anyway.

Now, I am sitting in a white room with my tray of food laying there since this morning. I just can't do it, and I really regret ever starting this, because it is impossible for me to ever think, it is possible, that I will ever be able to eat normally again.

If you are also a bulimic victim, stop now before it's too late, because no one can get rid of this disease except you. Do it for yourself! I know it seems impossible! Believe me I know...

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