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I Feel Trapped

I'm 17 years old, and I developed my eating disorder last year. I starve myself until my stomach hurts. And when I do eat it's very little and I often throw it up.

Sometimes my chest hurts a lot and I'm scared to go to sleep at night. My mom and dad are very worried about me. As well as my boyfriend.

I cry a lot because I wish it would just go away. My ribs are showing, and I feel so ugly, I feel as if I deserve to be ugly and fat. I always feel so fat and worthless. I'm crying as I write this. I feel so trapped.

I always feel fat and I can't stand looking at myself. I want my life back. No one understands me. They don't know that I have no control over it. It's a disorder I didn't ask for, It asked for me. When I starve myself, I feel in control and it's a great feeling.

I feel so alone. I can't see myself dieting because of it. My stomach shrank so much that when I do eat, it usually comes back up. Am I all alone? Is there any hope for me? I would never wish this on my worst enemy.

Thanks for letting me share my story.

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