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It's A Cycle, and I Need Help

I'm a 16 year old girl living in a small town. I'm not overweight, nor was I ever. It all started when I was in the 6th grade.

I actually started off as an anorexic. I never ate. I passed out often, and slept constantly. My parents couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and I was determined not to let them find out. Actually, I got away with not eating for quite some time. I would tell people at school, I ate at home, and my family at home, that I ate at school.

I didn't realize what I was doing to myself. Because here I sit, years later, a junior in high school, and yet a bulimic. I can't control it. I can't stop it anymore. At first, I thought it was good. During my freshman year, it got out of hand.

My parents didn't know what was wrong, they just knew I was throwing up constantly. They decided to take me to a doctor, who sent me to a specialist. Nobody could figure out what was wrong with me.

I spent months in the hospital. I couldn't go to school. I had 3 major surgeries trying to correct whatever was making me sick, and I was put on 6 daily medications, Two of which I will take for the rest of my life.

I wish I could tell you that I wised up and got better, but I haven't. I'm still bulimic. I still go to the doctor on a regular basis, and they still haven't figured it out. I need help stopping, I can't stop alone. I can't tell anyone what's wrong with me. It seems like a circle. It's something I will have to deal with. I will have to deal with the consequences forever.

I haven't had a period in a year, and I can no longer have dairy foods. My body just doesn't tolerate it. My body doesn't tolerate greasy foods, spicky foods, or acidic foods. Sometimes I stop and ask myself if it's really worth it, and I think about it. It's not worth it, but I can't stop. I'm afraid of dealing with this, for the rest of my life.

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