Link to MamasHealth.com

Asking for Help Stories

Afraid
Bulimia Story
Bulimic and In Trouble
Bulimic or Anorexic
Consequences
Cry for Help
Eighth Grade Social
Growing Up Thick
Healthy Woman
Help Me
Homemaker
Haunts Me
I Chose Bulimia
I Don't Know What To Do
I Feel Trapped
I Have A Life To Live
I Have To Change
I Just Needed Help
I Just Want To Stop
I Need Help
I Want To Get Better
I Want Someone To Care
I Want To Become A Model
I Wish
It's A Cycle
It's Killing Me
Judge Me
Lost All Control
My Ongoing Battle
My Secret
My Sexual Abuse Story
My Vicious Cycle
No Energy or Body Mass
Normal People
Not Alone
Please Help
Please Someone Help!
Purging Battle
Questions I Ask Myself
Uncontinued Story

We all Deserve Help!
Will It Ever Stop

Links

Promote your product

Addiction stories
Anorexia stories
Athletic stories
Bulimia stories
Eating Disorder
Family and friends stories
Help Me!
I'm not healthy stories
Medical disease stories
Medications and eating disorders
Migraine stories
Mother stories
Recovered Anorexic
Recovered Bulimic
Recovered Eating Disorder
Self esteem stories
The Letter "C"
Weight stories

Mama's Inspirational quotes

Mama's Motivational pledges

Mama's Health quotes

Mama's Poem

 

Lost All Control

As a young teen, I was always one of the popular girls, not underweight, not thin, but not fat by any means.  I always felt like I was one of the prettier ones of my friends, simple because they always complimented me. 

I grew up with just me and my mom, because my dad left when I was 7.  He was in and out of our lives when it was convenient for him, and I always starved for his attention.

After graduating from high school, I got married at 19. I had a baby before I was 21, I had a great life.  During my pregnancy, I reached 210 pounds and I started out at 128.  Clearly no self control with food!

After I gave birth, my dad who was not even at my wedding, decided he wanted to be a part of my son's and my life again.  No responsibility for him, I was grown. I remember the first time I saw him after having my son. I was down to around 160 pounds. Someone said, hey you are looking good, and my fathers comment was, yeah, but your ass is still big.  And that did it!  That was 8 years ago, and I can still hear it in my head so clearly.

Well, my father passed away 2 years ago, and I felt like I had lost control of my feelings, my life.  So many unanswered questions, so many unheard compliments, so many things I never said or asked.  I lost all control.  I needed to control something.  Food was the only thing I could control.  No one could make me eat.  I felt if I could control my daily diet then I was in control of my life.

A few months after his passing I was down to about 128 pounds, six months later a 115 pounds.  First I would eat what I wanted, then I would feel this guilt. If I can't have a big meal like this, then why should I.  And if I can't sleep in a comfortable bed then why do I deserve to?  So I would throw up my food and I would sleep on the floor or couch. 

I was totally abandoned my husband and I lost interest in my family all together.  Finally my husband realized what I was doing, binging and purging and I stopped.  But the feeling of control was lost again.  So, to stop feeling the need to throw up I stopped eating sweets, salt, carbs, certain veggies, I ate nothing!

I exercised all the time. My periods stopped.  I reached a record low of 98 pounds last year.  I stopped going out with my friends and family. It was all about me and my eating disorder.

I'm back up to around 116 give or take, and I feel so huge, but in reality I know I'm not. Anorexia has completely controlled my life for the past year, and I have to shake it!  I cannot live like this.  These are not the kind of memories I want my son to have of me.  I need to be me again.  My size 0's are a thing of the past and I have to accept that. 

I am 29 now and still have not had a period in a year, I may never get to give my son a sibling because of anorexia, I my never be comfortable in my own skin again!

Share your story

We'll teach you how to #LiveTo100!

Join our newsletter!

Accessibility Policy| Terms Of Use| Privacy Policy| Advertise with Us| Contact Us| Newsletter

RSS| Sitemap| Careers

Mamas Health Inc. does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment and use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Use.

©2000 - 2013 MamasHealth, Inc.™. All rights reserved

Link to MamasHealth.com

By submitting your story to MamasHealth.com you hereby grant us permission to publish it and edit it for length and content, as necessary, without monetary compensation. In return you will receive a short bio and link to your website or other contact information.