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Which Eating Disorder Do I Have?

After reading about 1000 articles and dozens of books about eating disorders, I still can't find one that describes mine. I am trying to find other people that have this problem, because I think there are many, and still no medical, psychological text includes this E.D.

I am 27 years old. I was fat all my life and that was never a problem to me. The fact of being short (really short) affected me more than my weight.

In 2005, I had the worst year of my life. I was stuck in a job that I hated. I had an argument with my best friend and we lost contact. All my close friends started getting married and going away. I was alone and depressed.

In August of 2005, I lost 10 pounds. Suddenly everyone began to tell me I was thinner, but I wasn't aware of that. When my pants started to fall down I realized it was true, of course I loved it! I was never so thin before, but it took me only 3 weeks after I started feeling better to gain 7 pounds again.

I collapsed one evening. I was throwing away the only good thing that had happened to me that year. I had to go back to 100 pounds, the solutions was radical. I stopped eating for 3 days. Of course I couldn't stop eating any longer than the 3 days so I looked for another solution to my problem, I began to throw up.

You would say I am bulimic and I think I am, but not a regular one, at least according to the "Signs and Symptoms" described in all those articles and books.

I don't eat an excessive amount of food. I eat a small amount. In fact, I eat very little. I don't hide food. The only thing I do is throw it up. I do it even if I haven't eaten anything or if I am nervous or anxious.

But you can't call me Anorexic because I do eat. My weight is normal. Sometimes I go for 1 or 2 days without eating or just eating a fruit a day, but my biggest fear is not gaining weight.

Keep my weight down is the only goal I can reach, the only thing I can control and yes, I have a body image distortion, but it's quite weird because I know I am not fat but I feel fat.

This complicated eating disorder became an important part of me. I tried many times to control it, to stop. When I do it for 5-6 days it is a nightmare. I get anxious, impatience, and really depressed so I go back to it and the relief is automatic. I need it.

If your eating disorder is like mine please contact me, I need to know if I am alone in this or not.

Devi_sarasvati@yahoo.com

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