I Have To Change: What my eating disorder did to my life



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I Have To Change

I'm bulimic. It destroyed my youth. When I was 20 years old, I was overweight but I was happy and having a good time with my friends and enjoying everything in my life.

I decided to go to a doctor. I told him I wanted to lose weight. He gave me some diet pills. After taking them for a few months, I lost 10 pounds, from 50 pounds to 40 pounds and my height is 154 cm (Asian girl). I continued to lose weight. I became anorexia. The lowest weight I had was 33 pounds. Everyone was concerned my appearance and I look terrible.

I hated my job. I hated everything. I consulted another doctor, he gave me some pills to cure depression. I fall asleep all the time. I was unable to work, so I quit my job. I stayed at home, just eating when I felt really hungry. I was afraid of gaining weight, so I purged every meal. I was binge eating and purging all the time.

I had finally found happiness in my life. Happiness is food, and I can eat all the food that I was scare to eat before. Now, all I have to do is purge.

Now, I am 28 years old. I still struggle with every meal all the time. I wish I could go back to the time that I decided to start this stupid cycle and find the true joy in my life. I have to change.

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