Anorexic then Bulimic, Restricting my food intake while being Anorexic, I fought Anorexic and then became Bulimic

I Had No Energy or Body Mass

When most people go shopping they look for clothes that make them look slim and sexy, but when I went shopping I made sure I didn't look too skinny. That's when I knew something was way wrong and I had gone too far.

I was always a beautiful and athletic person that was just
"built". I was big-boned and toned, but I wanted to be small and skinny. So during my high school career I became anorexic.

It was the most scariest time in my life. I lost friends, relationships, and the ability to do activities I loved. I had to quit sports because I had no energy or body mass to play. I lost muscle, so I couldn't throw the saddle up onto
my horse to ride. I felt so alone.

I finally confessed to my parents that I was "sickly ill" and I needed to receive help before things went completely
down hill. I received help from a psychologist and it helped me completely get over my anorexia.

Later, I ran into other problems. I became bulimic. The feeling of being able to eat again really made me happy. I realized that certain foods I had restricted myself from eating tasted amazing.

Restricting myself from eating for a long time was a controlling obsession, and now being able to eat again turned into chaos. I still can't handle eating meals because I count the calories. So, I try to restrict my food intake all day, but then I can't fight the hunger anymore so I binge.

I figure I can eat what I want and then get it out. It's the hardest thing to overcome. I don't know where to go to receive help since I'm young.

I don't want to tell my parents because I don't want them to get involved like they did when I was anorexic. It put so much stress on my family and basically tore it apart. Yet alone, having "Food Police" watching you 24/7 didn't help much. They just don't understand and they think I'm crazy.

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