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Bulimia Story
Bulimic and In Trouble
Bulimic or Anorexic
Cry for Help
Eighth Grade Social
Growing Up Thick
Healthy Woman
Help Me
Haunts Me
I Chose Bulimia
I Don't Know What To Do
I Feel Trapped
I Have A Life To Live
I Have To Change
I Just Needed Help
I Just Want To Stop
I Need Help
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I Want To Become A Model
I Wish
It's A Cycle
It's Killing Me
Judge Me
Lost All Control
My Ongoing Battle
My Secret
My Sexual Abuse Story
My Vicious Cycle
No Energy or Body Mass
Normal People
Not Alone
Please Help
Please Someone Help!
Purging Battle
Questions I Ask Myself
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Will It Ever Stop


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I Want To Get Better

I have never faced such a sad, difficult, and terrifying problem before. In the middle of my junior year, I became bulimic.

I was on the school swim team and that is when I noticed how "unperfect" my body was. I tried dieting for months but I never lost weight. Truth is, I didn't have a weight problem. I realize that now, and I still weight the same as I did. I allowed myself one binge day and the rest of the week I starved myself.

Eventually, on the day that I binged day I thought to myself, I can just vomit up this food and I won't gain weight! I tried it and it worked, so I did it every friday. I didn't even know what I was doing. I didn't even know it was an eating disorder. I thought I was the only person doing it.

Then I did it more and more and I realized I was addicted and had a problem. I looked it up and realized it was actually an eating disorder. I ignored this and kept binging and purging to the point where I would do it three times a day and six times on weekends.

I stopped hanging out with friends and dedicated all my time to my eating disorder. I didn't lose any weight but I lost my life.

My mom finally realized what was going on. She called The Renfrew Center and said I would be there as long as I needed to be. I thought I could stop within two weeks of treatment, and then go back to school happy as ever with no problem.

I spent my whole senior year of school in treatment. After two weeks of treatment, I got very depressed and I realized how much of a problem this really was. I cried almost everyday because I couldn't control myself. I spend hours binging and purging everyday and I never felt better about myself. I was going from outpatient to inpatient to out patient all year. Eventually, I got slightly better and stopped binging and purging for a month, but then I started again and that's when I lost all hope and got very depressed.

I've been out of treatment for a year now and I haven't felt any better. Last month I started my eating disorder habits again.

I left for college with my moms credit card and I know I have gone over her credit limit, but I couldn't stop myself from buying food to binge on. I'm too afraid to come home now because of how she might be in debt. When I left for college I had 700.00 in my bank account and in a month that was all gone. I maxed out my credit card as well. I had to cut it up.

I'm going back to Renfrew again in a month because I could not feel anymore terrible about myself. I want this to all end. I still cry everyday and wish I could be like everyone else. To have a box of cookies and eat only a couple, and be ok with only eating that many. It would be so amazing to me. I would be so happy. I want to get better, I really want to get better.

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