My Eating Disorder, My best friend and my eating disorder, Understanding my eating disorder

Stop Making Yourself Sick!

I nibbled on the leaf of lettuce attached to my fork. This
and a bottle of water made up my lunch. My best friend Lydia stuffed a chip into her mouth, chewing wildly. The greasy, salty smell made me nauseous. I stood up and excused myself, "I'm going to the loo. Back in a minute'."

I pushed my way through the crowds of pupils entering the school canteen, and went into the girls' toilets.
After checking to see if the room was empty, I rushed into a cubicle and stuck my head over the toilet.

One hand pulled back my hair while the other fumbled
for my mouth. I stuck my index finger down my throat until I could feel the vomit. I leant over the loo and brought up my finger, and let the sick flow into the toilet water.

I heard somebody enter, so I spat out the last pieces of lettuce and flushed the loo. I opened the door and saw my friend standing in front of me. I smiled, looking as though nothing had happened. I walked over to the
sink and washed the sick off my hands.

"Stop it." She said fiercely. "Stop what?" I asked. "Stop making yourself sick. I'm scared you'll kill yourself."
I laughed, "Don't be stupid. That must have been the food you know what school food can be like!"

Lydia took a step forwards, and slapped my face. "You're supposed to be my best friend! Well, stop lying to me, and start eating!" She stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

I felt tears prick my eyes. I turned towards the mirror and starred in horror at my face. My eyes were watery and bulging, my cheek was bright red from where I had been struck, and vomit still clung to my lip. I was disgusted with myself.

Here I was, some huge, obese teenage girl. Except I
wasn't obese, I just thought I was. I looked down at my body and for the first time in weeks I properly saw
myself for who I was. I wasn't fat, I was thin. No, I was tiny. In fact, it was quite gross the way my bones stuck out through my skin.

This was what I had become. Was this how I would spend my life - eating nothing, and then throwing up? No, I wasn't going to resort to this, Lydia was right. Something had to change, and that something was me.

The first step was to apologized to Lydia and admit to her that I had a problem. With her help I gradually ate more and more, until I was back to eating three healthy sized meals a day, and I was a size 10.

My life isn't spent in secret, making up excuses. I can get on with ordinary things that other girls do. I like myself now for who I am. I'll never go back to how I was. Never.

Love,

Kortny

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