If We Stay Strong, fighting my eating disorder voice: My eating disorder story

If We Stay Strong!

My anorexia started about 6 months ago on our tenth year ball. I went shopping early in hopes of finding a pretty dress that no one else would have. I did find one, and it was an extra large! It didn't bother me at first, because I just figured that the store had mucked up their sizing's. I mean, no way could I be that fat!

On the night of the ball, I asked a boy I liked if he wanted to dance, he said no. I convinced myself that it was because I was so fat. So, I stopped eating and went for regular walks. Dinner was the only meal I ate, even though I threw it back up.

After about 3 months I started losing weight. I was feeling real good. I decided that I was thin enough and that I was happy with my weight. That's when my ED voice started. It kept telling me that how thin I was, wasn't good enough. Every morning it told me that one more Kg wouldn't hurt, and I listened to it.

I kept starving myself and went for longer walks. Everynight when I stood on the scale the number got smaller and smaller. I was happy with my weight, but my ED voice wasn't. I kept Losing more and more weight.

My mum confronted me about it, and asked if I was ok. I told her that I was fine. She left it at that, until she found bits of food and containers of drinks stashed around the house. As, I am an only child I couldn't blame it on a sibling. She took me to our local doctor and he told me that I had anorexia. I refused to believe him and insisted that I was fine.

I kept skipping meals and continued my walks. I started eating three meals a day, on mums orders, but she didn't know I was still throwing up. I was still losing weight.

One day during my PE class I fainted, and the school called my mum. I was admitted into the hospital. Mum found out that I had lost more weight. She said she was going to send me to an ED facility. "I want to get better" I told her, and its true, I really did want to get better. I was tired of lying and being exhausted all the time. But I wanted to get better in my own house.

I started seeing a counselor three times a week and I was getting better. I was back to a normal weight for a 14 year old girl.

One month ago I had a huge relapse when my grandmother died. Mum thought I was better, and she didn't notice that I was losing weight again.

So, here I am today, the 10th of December 2008, and I'm still struggling with my ED voice. It constantly telling me I'm fat and ugly. Much love to all the people like me, if we stay strong we can get through it!

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