I'm 17, female, and have been bulimic for the last seven years.

I suppose I'm writing because I'm now at a state where I don't know what else to do but tell my story, so maybe somebody else will escape this kind of hell.

I don't know exactly when it started, but I realized I could throw up. I've hated my body for as long as I could remember - my eating habits were erratic, I was bullied horribly. I ate to fill the gap where I wanted somebody to care about me. I felt fat, ugly, disgusting. I started to throw up.

Things spiraled out of control quickly. I shoplifted and stole money from my parents, so I could binge and purge. I started throwing up more than 5 or 6 times a day. I was irritable, exhausted, my teeth hurt, my head hurt. I started so young that my period, rather than stopping, never started. I simply didn't have the hormones to cope with menstruation.

My parents caught me and I told them I'd stopped. I went further underground with my disorder. My parents caught me. I told the therapist what she wanted to hear, and got discharged. My parents caught me. I'm still in therapy. I have, today, purged six times. I'm borderline overweight, to add insult to injury. I was in the gym for four hours yesterday; my parents think I was with friends.

I hate living. I hate myself. I just want to be thin. I want to never have to eat again, to be perfect, for my parents to see me and love me. They aren't supportive, they don't understand or ask me about how I'm feeling. I drive to therapy, now I can drive, and come home. They pay the bills, nobody asks.

I came downstairs, eyes puffy from crying, cheeks pink from vomiting. I'm stealing money again. I'm cutting, burning myself to feel pain. I am cold, tired, aching from exercise and the exhaustion of vomiting.

I want this to end!