Endless Struggle With Being Bulimic My name is Brenna Burns, and I am bulimic. I am 18, and I have been struggling with this disease for a little over a year now. Everyday, I find myself at some point crying just because of how hard I am trying to fight this disease, and everyday I cry, wishing I could take back the moment I ever decided to binge and purge up my food. What started as something I could control, quickly turned into something I couldn't. I just moved out from a bad situation, and although there isn't so much stress anymore, I still find myself in an endless struggle with being bulimic. Every morning I wake up thinking " today is a new day." I can do this. I can go the whole day without throwing up. I really wish I could! Even the slightest bit of food I eat, I want to throw it up. Keeping it down feels so horrible, but I know my body needs it. I am 80 pounds, but I just keep loosing more weight. I want to stop! I am to my limit with this disease, and if I don't keep fighting it, I know what will happen. I have so much support already in my life, but being bulimic, I feel like I am alone. I look at other people, eating and laughing and having a great time, and I wish so badly that I could be like that again. I wish I could pick up a cheeseburger and not worry about how many calories it contains, or throwing it up. I just wish I could enjoy it and not worry. It's so hard to watch everyone else. I don't know how I got this way, but all I know is fighting it is so hard. I can't honestly remember the last time I ate something and not worried about throwing it up. Being this way feels so horrible, and I hate how skinny my body has become. I get out of the shower and half the time I can't even look at myself in the mirror, because seeing myself this way hurts too bad.
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