Working Out and Puking

I really don't know how it all began... I guess when I was in secondary school I was a little chubby, but I was never really bullied about it. I mainly hung around popular girls and I didn't really have problems getting a boyfriend at the time.

My mum got into fitness and turned really obsessive with it. Every day when I came home from school, she would have the treadmill layed out for me. She would say 'just do 10 minutes of running' I hated it.

I was still in school and I wasn't really bothered that much about my weight, but I felt pressured by my mum, and that made feel a little paranoid!

During the end of my last year before leaving for college, I started dieting and even sometimes skipping meals. I got into working out at least three hours a day. I was so addictive to working out, that I couldn't go without a day of exercising, or else I would feel quilty.

After dieting for awhile, I lost a bit of weight, and a lot of my friends started to notice. They were really happy for me, that made me work even harder. My food intake started to go down really low, I was only eating about 300-500 calories a day. I would never have a proper sit down hot meal. After a year and half of eating like this, it got harder as I felt very weak. I lost a lot of weight from working out.

One day, I was really hungry. I couldn't keep counting calories, so I decided to puke it up. It made me feel so guilty but good. Knowing I wasn't putting on the weight, but I could eat anything I wanted. It has been over a year and I just can't get over it. I hate it, I do it 1-3 times everyday. Some days I try my hardest, and some days I just give in, and think just forget it!

I've been with my fiancee for over a year and a half, and he's a chef. His food is so amazing, and I hate it when he cooks for me knowing that it's just going to come back up. I don't mean to be horrible. He's the most understanding person ever, he really does try to help me.

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