My Stomach Sitting and staring at myself with disgrace. How could I let myself look like that. Everything I ate went to my stomach and my face. For the next month I felt like this. I started thinking of ways to solve it and a diet was one of them. I started to binge, but it didn't work, so I gave up. Then, as I ate I would feel disappointed, nasty and fat. I felt this way just thinking of how the food would affect me. So, I keep trying to binge, I never did it right until I looked it up and saw the way other people did it. I learned from those stories. Binging, laxatives, heaters to sweat, and lots of exercise. When I started my eating disorder, I weighed 145 pounds. The first day I binged I did it 3 times. The next day nothing. Then I ate like a bird but binged up my dinner. I felt so good afterwards. After that I never stopped binging. It became my best friend. To me, I felt like I could never lose my binging. I felt like I needed it. Like it was a part of me. My family weren't together enough for them to notice. And I always ignored my friends thoughts. I would binge everyday, Take classes that would help me lose weight and do sports. All of it helped, except when I started to faint. I was always asked what I ate and when. So, I learned to lie. Then, right before classes, I would eat and drink a lot of water so it wouldn't happen. It basically just delayed the fainting spell. No one ever knew about it. And to this day, no one has ever tried to help me. I know I have a problem, I just don't know how to solve it. |
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