It Took 8 Years

Gymnastics was my life since I was a kid. I did the sport for over 15 years on top of volleyball, track, and cross country. I even went on to coaching gymnastics in my later years.

Ever since I can remember, I always thought that I was fat. Probably since the age of 6, right before my closest sibling died.

I also thought I was ugly, since I was not the standard blond hair, blue eyed girl, like all of my class mates. I even had a really unique name which made me feel even more out of place.

Probably, the main reason I felt I was so different is because I started to develop before all of the other girls. Don't get me wrong, I was still a skinny kid but with big boobs.

I began starving myself in the fourth grade. It got so bad I wouldn't eat for weeks at a time and I would continue to go to gymnastics practice as usual. If I did eat it would only be half of an apple wedge or 2 gummy bears.

I remember fainting regularly or getting really shaky and dizzy but my parents never seemed to notice. If I couldn't hide not eating, I would throw up. Then that became too easy.

It started to feel too good. I could work out in gymnastics every day, then go and eat as much as I wanted, then just puke it all up. This lead to many other bad decisions such as horrible boyfriends and extreme drug using. I eventually got hooked onto crystal meth for about three years and I still thought that I was fat! About 90 pounds later I decided that I was done with it all.  I quit the drugs, quit the eating disorder, and just tried to live a normal life.

That took me about 8 years to settle down and become normal again.  I am now at a regular weight, even though I feel like a heifer, I would rather be thicker than on drugs, having an eating disorders, or even worse dead!  I am now 130 pounds and I am eating healthy again. I have started on a regular work out schedule.

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