30 Year battle with Anorexia, Falling and climbing back up through Anorexia, The voice of an Anorexic, Finding love while being Anorexic

30 Year Battle

My Battle for 30 years with Anorexia

I have suffered with anorexia for the last 30 years. I cannot tell you how much it has controlled my life, ruined my life and ultimately is still in my life.

I need to get out of this situation once and for all and I'm really finding it hard to do. I have good days, good weeks, good months but then a bad day pops up and if feels as if you are back to square one again.

It is like climbing up a really steep hill and nearly getting to the top and then slipping right back down again, and nine times out of ten, this happens and I have no control over it whatsoever. The only difference now is that I continue to climb, no matter what.

The love of my life, my rock, my reason for living and smiling has made me do this and I will continue to do so no matter how hard it gets. This sounds weak and pathetic to anybody who hasn't experienced anorexia. I know they think I am pathetic, but it is a lot harder than anyone thinks, a lot harder.

I have searched for love for over 20 years, but at the same time I did not want to be loved. But, I have finally found somebody who loves me and understands me, but still the voice is screaming at me not to believe her and not to believe anything she says. The voice is continually telling me that she is going to leave me or going to go with someone else, because ultimately I am too obese and too ugly for anybody to stay with.

I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AND I WANT ALL OF YOU GIRLS (AND BOYS)OUT THERE TO READ THIS. DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER LET THIS VILE VOICE TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE LIKE IT HAS MINE. NOBODY DESERVES IT - NOT EVEN ME.

Find somebody who loves you for who you are, and they will help you get through this, but you need to tell them.

Too many girls I have met over the years have died from this vile, awful disease and one of the things that could have saved them was talking to somebody who loved them but ultimately, someone who understands.

This is an imperative part of your recovery. Nobody can do it on their own - trust me, I know. I tried for 30 years and am only just getting there.

Share your story