Bulimia and Me

I really can't remember the first time it happened, but I knew why I did it. From the young age of 5, I was involved in many sports, including gymnastics. I know now that gymnastics is highly associated with eating disorders, but back then the thought never even crossed my mind that is up until high school.

When I joined the high school gymnastic team I knew it would be totally different than the recreational gymnastics I was use to. But none the less I loved it. I made great friends and learned so much about myself and the sport. The sport that became the center of my struggle with bulimia.

I was always a fairly slender girl, but when I entered high school I got into weight training, which in turn, made me more fit but at the same time more muscular, giving me the appearance of being a little bigger than before. Just when I thought I had excepted my body I rejected it.

It all began when my practice schedule was from 2:30 till 6 in the evening. It was the perfect time, because I could come home and have dinner like I had done for years. But the difference was, I worked so hard at practice that when I came home to sit down to a full plate of dinner, it would make me sick. All I could think about was spending all that time working out and burning all those calories, and now I'm shoving them back in. Ironically at the same time I was starving, so I ate my meal.

My routine was to come home from practice, eat, take a shower, do homework and then bed. Well, I decided one night I wasn't going to let this food stay in me. I went upstairs after I ate to take my shower and before I got in bed I stood over the toilet and put my finger in my throat. It was gross, I hated it and vowed never to do it again.

It wasn't till the next night that I found myself doing it all over again. I was so afraid of getting caught, but I knew I had to do it if I wanted to feel better. I didn't do this every night, but the nights I didn't do it I made sure I didn't eat.

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